Actually, I haven’t had any words for the last few weeks. I haven’t written any poems nor have I attempted to do any Black Out Poetry even. This is not writer’s block. This is a complete shut-down of my capacity to write. Every time I attempt to write something, I’m immediately overcome by feelings of inadequacy and over all failure. I hate when that happens.
This time, it’s brutal; because my words just end up looking listlessly tiresome. I’m starting to feel a bit exhausted with all the attempts that I’ve done. This is actually an exercise to see if inspiration would come; a way to smash my away out of this tiny room without doors and windows. And since this blog is pretty much a diary or personal journal of sorts, I thought I’d go ahead and vent.
I don’t think I’ve mentioned it before, but I’m an accountant without a designation. I recently took over my former boss’ job; so in essence, I handle the financial and managerial position for the company that I’ve worked twelve years for. I wanted to mention it because in the past two weeks, I’ve had to deal with the process of re-doing financial statements for the new president. I’ve lived, breathed, and would probably have died seeing numbers everywhere had it not been for the books that I escaped to when I can manage. I think this is also the reason I’m stuck right now. This is really frustrating. It feels like my brain is literally forgetting how to string words to form a decent poem. Because when you can’t do the thing you love the most, and the only thing stopping you is yourself, what is the point?
Thanks for reading. I hope you’re having a great weekend.