The Dark Heroine [Dinner with a Vampire, #1] by Abigail Gibbs

The least sexy romance I’ve read this year.
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The Dark Heroine by Abigail Gibbs
William Morrow, Paperback 549 pages

Be forewarned. This is not going to be a nice review. This book and I didn’t get a long and I’d like to apologize in advance if you take offence. Have a care, this rambling is just an opinion. Here goes nothing:
If you have the gumption to claim that you’re going to be the sexiest book I’ll read this year, then you better damn well have the sexy to back it up. As it stands,  you are nowhere near sexy at all. Nooope. Not even in the same zip code as any of the books sitting seductively in the check out stand of my neighbourhood grocery store. A few words come to mind to describe this book: unsexy, unoriginal, unromantic, and damn predictable and the main bloodsucker annoyed me to heavens. 
I could never understand how this ass of a hero could be deemed sexy when all you could see is how much of an a-hole he is. His over-aggressive he-act was so over the top that any attempt on his part to make up for the assholic behaviour couldn’t make up for his assholery. I realize that I’m running the risk of misusing and abusing the word but I couldn’t find another fitting word. And dude. Stop. Saying. Girly. It’s freaking annoying. Which really is the root of my problem with this book. Kaspar and I didn’t get along very well. Everything about him annoyed me especially when he calls the heroine that pet name. Nothing about that word is endearing unless the girl you’re referring to is freaking ten years old. Hell, nothing about this man is sexy. Have I mentioned that already? None. Zilch. Nada. Their banter and behaviour are borderline infantile and they couldn’t fit their combined chemistry in a thimble.

This story is told through Violet’s and Kaspar’s POVs so you would have a sense of Kaspar’s way of thinking. Doesn’t matter. He’s as flat as a piece of cardboard. No surprises, no character development there. Same goes for Violet. They truly are a match made in hell.

I don’t know how anyone could go from despising this guy to loving him because he’d apparently saved her life twice. Uhm, hello? You wouldn’t even be in such a precarious situation if he’d left you alone! The thing is, there was no smooth transition from hate to love between the two. It’s an abrupt 180 degree change. That’s what got to me. If you’ll just make it convincing that Violet’s change of heart is founded, then I wouldn’t be having such a problem with the romance.  Perhaps, if you’d just ease me into it. I just can’t read about Kasper without dry heaving. She was also waaaaayyyy too accepting of the fact that vampires exist – a mild reaction at first then she shrugged her shoulders and just moved on.  Actually, much of her reactions didn’t make much sense to me. She comes off very immature and not at all like a woman on the cusp of adulthood (she turned 18 in captivity) would.

This book was a surprise hit on Wattpadd – pre-ginormous contract publication. But I wish someone had spent the time to help the author polish her work. It’s a five-hundred some odd pages of cliché and totally not worth the money I spent on it. I haven’t learned my lesson, I guess. Sometimes, if there’s a big buzz about a book, chances are, that’s all there is to it: an unpleasant noise that sounds like a fly buzzing in your ear.

My rating: 2 out of 5 Stars

  • Hahaha! You see, Joy! It's alright when we have polar opinions about the same book, because I loved this one! I've no understanding why because I should have hated it on a principle but no, I've gobbled it up in a matter of hours and found it highly entertaining 🙂 Great rant!

  • Oh Joy… Though I do feel for you this review/rant did have me smiling. The fact that ou mad it hough this speaks volumes about ou dedication because heck I know I wouldn't have. I have always favoured your honesty and this is no exception <3

  • Oh Joy… I couldn't even finish this book. Do you know how rare that is? I kept pushing through waiting for the redeeming moment, but I just couldn't take it. And why the hell did he even take her in the first place or care that she saw? As if people would've believed her. They act like it's because she saw them and they're some secret, yet a shitload of people already know. Stupid. Romantic? Sexy? Not! And it kills me that young women are attracted to that kind of abusive behavior.

  • Sounds like a twific gone wrong.

  • I have a copy but wasn't sure if it'd be something I'd want to read. I'm guessing no. That's too bad.

  • Overagreesive he-act?! Lolol, priceless. I must have started and dropped this about a trillon times until I finally made peace with the fact that I won't be reading it in this lifetime, review copy be damned.
    It seems I was right. Great review, Joy! You should write rants more often.