Leo by Mia Sheridan

That was…

Leo by Mia Sheridan
Self-published, Kindle Copy
What to say, what to say.
I guess if you’ve been following my updates on Goodreads, then you’ve already been given privy to my feelings about this book. I really wish I didn’t find it so humorous because these kids’ stories are not in the least bit funny. But by golly, I couldn’t stop the burst of giggles every time Evie would give me a play-by-play of every mundane thing about her. Needless to say, I’ve gotten to know her better than I know my husband, whom I’ve known for 19 years. You can catch this girl on any random day having ‘partly-showered’ instead of ‘fully-showered’. You’ll also know that her favourite shoes are her brown boots and she’s got this thing for putting her hair on a bun when she goes to work.
She has a pair of blue pajamas with pink cupcakes all over them and she can make a mean turkey, cheese and lettuce sandwich. She sets her alarm for 6 am. When she wakes up, she’ll of course tell you what she’s wearing to work. She’ll always tell you what she’s wearing, because you know, that information is…vital? Maybe. I don’t know about you, but they’re nothing but white noise that I religiously ignore when I’m reading. This book clocks at about 3,225 Kindle pages. Honestly? I read roughly half of it. And you know what else is ridiculous? Even when she’s reminiscing about when they were kids, this girl still managed to describe what the hell she was wearing years ago.
See exhibit below: Chapter 15
Evie is 13, Leo is 14.
I’m sitting on the sofa in the front room of my foster home, when there’s a knock on the door…yadi yadi yada…
I note briefly that I’m wearing a really tight pair of jean shorts and a tank top with no bra…
Really? Thanks. You’ve got such a sharp memory. Heck, I can’t even remember what I was wearing yesterday. Sorry, but who does that? But then again, maybe those snippets aren’t really a walk down the memory lane but part of the author’s story-telling process. Regardless, I was bombarded – overwhelmed by tidbits of info and long winded explanations that writing this sort of, kind of, snarky review was inevitable.

Now that I have rambled on as long as I have, I guess I did pay attention. Let me try and break the story down: two foster kids (Leo and Evie) separated when they were teens. They made a promise to each other that it won’t be the last they’ll see each other’s shadows. Leo made her swear she’ll wait for him and he’ll come back for her. Fast forward to some years later and Evie finds herself being stalked by a guy (Jake) who later admits that he’s a friend of Leo who, incidentally, died in a car crash. Leo asked Jake on his death bed – no less, to look into Evie and make sure she’s a’ight. Long story short, Jake pursued Evie and on their first date, Jake goes and tells Evie this: “when I fuck you, you will be mine.” First shudder (of many). And it wasn’t because I was overcome by how hot his words were. Nope. Far from it. I’m sorry, but if this is our first date and I don’t you from Adam, rest assured that no matter how sexy or gorgeous or hot you are, I will be running fast and away from you, you creeper. Also, I’ve never found Matt Damon to be hot. And since a lot of people have mistaken you for him, I’m not gonna lie, you ain’t doin’ it for me, dude. So thank your lucky stars I wasn’t Evie or our story would’ve ended right there.
So how do I really feel about this book? Eh. I laughed. And I laughed. And I laughed.
Kudos to this book
for helping me forget
I laughed my head off
and shake my head in regret.
Their love story shouldn’t
be rip-roaring funny;
yet there I was
rolling on the floor,
hysterics in full bore. 
I’m sorry! I’m sorry!
For writing this snark.
But it’s how I feel –
the story lacks spark.
Lots of readers would enjoy
this truly
just not this weirdo
whose sense of humour’s uncanny.
I really am sorry.
On a side note: I can’t stand looking at the cover of the book. It made me uncomfortable. I’m such a hypocrite, I know. Eh. Doesn’t matter, coz the cover had nothing to do with the book nor do that guy look anything like Matt Damon’s less than impressive breadth. 

My rating: 1 out of 5 stars

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